My Reality of the 12 days before Christmas...

Christmas Prep and the count down begins .....

'Twas the 12 days before Christmas,
and all thru the house,
Julie was ticked, when she found an'ther mouse....
The stockings weren't hung, and she didn't care,
if all the other crap sat in the box over there.....

Here is my real life version of the Twelve Days before THIS Christmas:

12 days before Xmas: I hate the F-ing holidays. I suppose we better get that damn tree.

11 days before Xmas: I hate real trees... the sap gets all over, I start sneezing and the rash starts too. Mike told me that we are FOR SURE buying an artificial one after this Xmas. Duh... it's ABOUT time.

10 days before Xmas: Yet another Tree fight, it has chosen to want to tip over, again! Eh... I'll decorate next week.

9 days before Xmas: Holy crap... I need to get started on the Xmas cards. Receiving that first card puts major pressure on me (self induced) to get going on them. Too many lazy asses just sending photo cards... no notes... nothing. Why the heck am I writing personal notes on each of them? Maybe I should take a picture of our house and make cards. I am sooo doing that next year!

8 days before Xmas: Start wrapping all the presents.... why? did I ever like wrapping presents? Eff the bows and ribbons. People should just be happy they are wrapped. STFU about bows and shit.

7 days before Xmas: Two Christmas parties in 12 hours. Thank god I only had to shave once. Would it be tacky to wear the same tacky Xmas sweater? Yup. Crap. I actually have to dress up? Double crap.

6 days before Xmas: funeral. Came home and ordered in... then poured a big and healthy White Russian. Really annoyed that none of us Hansens found out until 16 hours before the funeral. Granted since my Mom died we aren't on the highest priority of family members, but come on. Ok, we were all really ticked that my Aunt nor Uncle thought to call us. Lame excuse.

5 days before Xmas: The holiday season sucks. People die. Funerals suck especially right around the time that my Mom died.

4 days before Xmas: Grocery shop galore. Please people, can't you see it's been a bad week? Get the HELL OUT OF MY way. To that lady in Piggly Wiggly who insisted on stopping in the middle of each aisle... please read the grocery store book of etiquette. No, I was not trying to steal your purse... just moving your cart from the center. Thank you for not calling security. I wouldn't want any one to think that your coupons for Depends would be at peril. At least I did buy the groceries to feed a large army for 2-1/2 days. I cook like it is for an army, but realistically it's only for four of us this year.

3 days before Xmas: Dh on business trip, won't be home. Attempted to finish decorating tree, but the Russians were getting in the way. PS -- an entire Russian Army visited that night. I lost the war against them. (White Russians, people!)

2 days before Xmas: Ahhhhhh..... the cooking begins. If only you could've seen me cooking this year. It's quite the "sight". At first I was freezing, so on went the sweatshirt. Then about a half-hour later the sweats started, and off came the top. Have you ever heard of the "Naked Chef"? Well.... that was me (almost). Now I understand why the Naked Chef thing!!! (I know he doesn't cook naked).

The day of Xmas Eve: It has taken me quite a while to get into the Christmas spirit. I'm not sure that I'm 100% there yet either, but it isn't until tomorrow so I have some time left to find it. I've tried the other "Christmas Spirits" though, and I plan on finding more tonight. If I can't feel like Christmas, I'll just have to drink festive cocktails and pretend. Every thing was done, and dh was home... the beer was cooling for Steve.

Xmas Eve: Our first guests arrived -- sister Kate and brother, Steve. A small group this year! As soon as they were settled in, our next guests came calling. Every year we invite our favorite Gay couple to join in the Xmas Eve festivities. They make the perfect house guests, and never out-stay their welcome. They are always warm and caring, and hardly ever make any noise. They bring a tear to our eyes, a rosy glow to our cheeks, and are wonderful ice breakers for the silly stories. Who are they you ask? Well... it's Tom & Jerry of course!

Christmas Day -- do we really have to get out of our pj's? Nah.... should we totally be bad and skip church? Ok! We were hit by an ice storm and seriously didn't want to tempt fate. I know there is something totally whacked in that thought process on Christmas day no less. Oh well. At least we wouldn't have to atone for our last year's sins at Church with the deaf Priest. Enough said.

Christmas came and went with out much fan fare. Just the way I like it in the new "normal". I look forward to next year with Kate's kids though... it is more fun to have more people to tease.

And THAT was the 12 days before Christmas........