Winds of Change

Finally, it's Friday. This week seemed to last a month. We witnessed the election of our first Black President which I am still torn up about (he being a Democrat). Hopefully this will be good news at some point, but right now -- I just cannot see it. It's for this reason that I haven't been able to sit down and blog. My brain can't focus on anything. But just like the weather, my mind has started to look to other things.

Winds of change

This time of year is always the most reflective for me. My soul needs the changing of the leaves and cool crisp temperatures outside. And what happened this week? This was a week of temperatures that were meant for the beach. Huh? You could hear my soul screeching to a halt. No wonder my life is a bit off kilter -- off center.

Winds of change

A Midwest autumn is absolutely THE BEST. It’s what drew me back from the southwest. It calms me down from the craziness of the summer, and prepares me for the long, cold winter months ahead of us. It reminds me of college football (go Badgers!), and Brett Favre, and Packer games of days gone by. I start to bake again, and dust off the cookbooks too.

It’s also the time of year that makes me miss my Mom the most. It’s the beginning of the depression that I fall into every year, until January. It’s the beginning of “the season”: Their anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the anniversary of her death. Will this year be different? Will it be easier? Can I listen to the whispers of the leaves falling and not fall apart?

Painfully, it’s also the time of year that I miss not having children the most. This also adds to my melancholy. Think about it…. Halloween is for children. It’s the “trigger” for the change forthcoming. All the cute little kids dressed up in their costumes, asking for candy. It’s for this reason that I go into hiding. This year, it was the cottage. Years past, I avoided being home. The lights were “not on” – literally and figuratively speaking.

Winds of change

Maybe this will be the year that the happiness prevails. Maybe this year the Thanksgiving festivities won’t remind me of the last one with Mom. Maybe this year going to church on Christmas morning won’t break my heart seeing the faces of all the children. Maybe this year I can listen to “Have yourself a merry little Christmas” and not sob uncontrollably, or at home it is known as “Have yourself a MARY big Christmas”.

I can hear the winds of change – now only if my soul would listen………….